Sanchez sez...

If loving huge pole is a crime, then I'm a felon

Merry X-wingmas

Renai's thoughts on a more sensual Christmas

In all caps, as bold and triumphant as the majestic peal of Gabriel's horn...

Ummmm, I meant "sexy" like a fat man holding a diet Red Bull and a 7-11 fart-bag burrito.

It's "Go-Time"

So here I sit, a mere 28 and a 1/2 hours away from playing an instrument in public for the first time in over 15 years.

I have put in many long hours the past month in preparation. Needless to say, I will be sorely disappointed if I don't get any panties thrown at me or go the entire night without a single flash of breast.

I remember when I was younger I could rip it up all night for a good-sized crowd. This place is a bit small and the acoustics suck, but it should still be pretty fun.

Heck, with the acoustics so reflective, nobody should be able to hear the crowd screaming from the outside.

Lovey Sunshine, Lead Chainsaw-ist

Prepare yourself for AWESOME flavor

So my friend Sanchez has a cat that keeps ramming its tongue into its own butt. I dislike cats, so I surprised myself by finding this activity to provide some semblance of worth to the species as a whole. Self analingus is hilarious.

All this ass-licking worried her so she called the vet.

She's been told that the animal may need to have somebody "express its anal glands". What the hell?

Paint a picture of a cat asshole composed entirely of dots?

Have Henry Rollins over to the house to berate the the offending sphincter?

Perhaps Phillip Glass can compose another shitastic minimalist piece worthy of conveying the stoic demeanor of a cat's ass.

I did a little research and found that "expressing the anal glands" is a simple as sticking your finger up it's butt and gently pinching what would be a buttocks on a person with your thumb. If done right, a rooster-tail of foul scented discharge worthy of the fountains at Bellagio's will magically appear. Just in time for the holidays too.

Have fun fingering the cat Sanchez. And a Happy New Year.

Fucking filthy cats.

FOLLOW UP: If I was really rich..

Kathleen said...

If this pops up when someone googles my name, I will never forgive you.

Fucker.

Lovey said:

Here's a convenient link:

http://www.google.com/search?q=kathleen+canedo

If I was really rich...

...(and/or "gangsta")...I'd do Cristal and Dom Perignon enemas.

-Kathleen "tinybuttbles" Canedo

Etheral blow job

My buddy Steve's house is haunted. We hold band practice in his basement twice a week and we never go more than a practice without some creepifying thing happening. This usually comes in the form of a direct blast of air on the back of your neck or in your ear. Sort of like somebody blowing out candles on a birthday cake.

There are no vents down there, the bass drums are floor level, any concussive air escaping them is low to the ground.

Occassionally something whines in the back corner behind the bar. It whines in tune. I think it wants to jam.

I love that place.